Love is Blind
by SanityIsNotIncluded
Summary: "I choose not to remember. In every good memory, there is a bad one that follows it. And even if I could, I can not remember it clearly, or at all."... "My eyes have a natural ability that one would say is a unique trait, but has been a burden to me since the beginning of time. Would you believe me if I told you our past?" Russia/Lithuania
1. Remembering or Not Russia

Hello Everyone,

I am not new to fanfiction, for I had a former account before this one. Because I am a college student with horrible english, this is my way to practice writing when I do not have to do it on a technical term, so positive criticism is needed, love, and much appreciated. Also, if you believe I need a beta, if someone can recommend me to one, that would be great.

Sanity now presents... Love is Blind!

* * *

I choose not to remember.

Like many countries, my past is bloody and violent. There are a hand count that were better, and a sea that were worst. There are some that made it through the struggle, and some were not strong enough and die at the very beginning.

Does that make me a survivor? Or a cheat because of my entrustment in General Winter?

I tend to wonder about that a lot. But when I do, visions of my childhood, of my past- my history seen through my eyes; I get rid of them before they get too imbedded in my head, too permanent for me to handle. Throughout all of my years as a nation, I have had many names, as of others. Some were lucky enough to keep theirs for their entire history. I was not as lucky, for my name changed throughout the courses of time. However, I had one that stayed with me since I was very young.

Vanya

Even before the idea of Christianity, Vanya was the name my sisters gave to me. They were the only ones to call me that. Katyasha and Natasha; those were their names. Everyone called them that.

They knew most of my childhood, or at least they claim their do. When I was taken away from them, they were as well- to a better place, or at least I believe so. When Katyasha visited me, she was a bit peeved, but was always happy. I know back in those days, she smiles a lot. However, my memory of that is limited. Usually, before or after I see her, my memories would replay all of the cold events the Golden Horde would do to me.

I was his servant, his slave, and he was my master, my shepherd. I would never say that out loud, but back then, in the middle ages, if I wanted it or not, that was the truth. I did not know how to create a resistance, though, I felt my children creating one in the pit of my heart. My children kept me alive for the most part. But as revolutions and resistance began to fall, and the scent of their blood hit my nose, I was beginning to lose hope and fate. There were nights in which I believed that I was going to die, many nights. I tend not to think about it now.

But when I do I think about it, everything is… fuzzy would be the best way to describe it. According to the books, Lithuania was my enemy for a while before he allied himself with Poland to become the Commonwealth. I do not remember Lithuania, per say in those days. I remember someone looking like him when my sisters were taken away. He took care of him. For a second, I thought it was Lithuania when I see him in my dreams; when they want to dream of dreams before they become nightmares. But he had green eyes, and Lithuania had blue. Both had a soft face, or at least I think he did; by the time I saw Lithuania, the man had a more youthful appearance. My memory is always crooked whenever I want to remember the goods. It takes a lot out of me.

I do not remember his name, nation or human. There were many nations and empires back in the medieval times before they died. Perhaps he was a city of Lithuania- that would explain why he looks so much liked him. Or a nation he'd conquers that died out eventually. I do not remember correctly.

He always talked to the Golden Horde. They were friends for a while. A part of my land was his, and that was the beginning of the goods, I believe. Once in a while, the Golden Horde would let me stay with the man for a little while. He asked what was my nation one day. I had no way to answer him; I was under the Tartar's rule. I was no nation.

Then he asked for my human name. I told him it was Vanya.

"Vanya…"

My name felt smooth against his voice. It was never liked how my sisters said it. It felt powerful; warm almost. I like anything warm, so he was no exception.

I do not remember what happened between us. I remember that whatever he did, I felt loved and warm. I tend not to think about it much. In the end, I would always be reminding of that damn Golden Horde I had to go back to.

* * *

The first time I have heard my Christian name was when Prussia went to talk to Golden Horde. I never liked that German man. Out of everyone, I remember him the most because I hated him so much. He was a Christian man, I believe. That fate was being brought out to the world. Back then, Prussia was known as the Teutonic Knights. He and the Grand Duchy of Lithuania were main rivals, according the to history books.

Golden Horde told him my name. He laughed and called me 'Ivan'. I did not like the way he ruined my sisters' name for me, but I did not complained. I became use to it. Ivan sounded powerful, and that was my goal at some point.

The man with the green eyes only calls me that whenever he talks to Prussia. Other than that, he would still call me Vanya, or whatever I was at the time. I do not remember my name at that time as a nation, but Vanya was good enough.

I valued him. He was strong against the knights Prussia owned. He was able to protect his people, and they were proud of him. He was able to calm my sisters down when they were becoming a little too rough. Ukraine was not as soft as she is now, and Belarus was a bit more ruthless. I always wondered what had happened to them; when had Ukraine become so weak and Belarus become so crazy.

When did I become so strong and unstable to make everyone afraid of me?

But he… even if he could see me now, he will never be afraid of me.

I do not know where the emotions began to arise, but soon, I fell in love with the man. Or at least, that is what Ukraine said I was experiencing. She did not seem to like that thought, but she did not disapprove of my feeling either. Belarus did, and gave the green-eyed man more trouble than he needed.

There were days after he lost a battle or so, and his people were feeling down, he would not show his eyes to me. Did he think I would find him worthless? Shamed? Never! But I never got a chance to tell him that. I was too scared that he would disapprove of such weakness.

It was days like those in which I would see a quick glance at Lithuania. It was only a quick glance, as his people were crowded around him and his rulers. Our eyes only caught once and he quickly looked away, almost scared that I saw him. I did not know why, as he was more powerful than me, but I did not ask because of that reason.

* * *

A man from a rising country name Poland visited my sister when I was with her one day. Just one look from him, and we can tell that he was neither city, county, country, nor empire. He was a messenger. He spoke in a language so similar to ours that we were baffled, but still different enough that we had to decode it. He wanted my sister to talk to Lithuania, and she declined.

"If you really wanted to talk to Lithuania, then you shall see him yourself." She spat. That was the angriest I have ever seen her. For a small while, I feared her. I did not like that feeling. But the man continued to return, and my sister said the same message, until one day, he did not return.

* * *

I am not sure if this is a nightmare or not, but I remember my sisters waking me up one night in a panic. While I am usually happy to see her, that day, I was very afraid. It was those days in which I tried to see the green eyed man on my own, a few days before the arrangement. Golden Horde did not like that, and he beat me for it. I was completely sore, but I refuse to let a tear slip for him. I use to cry a lot, but whenever he was around, I refused to do so.

My body was still sore from the beating and I was sure I could not move my leg properly. Ukraine ended up carrying me that night. My sisters were talking to each other. I do not remember what, but I hear the word 'de-flowered'. Fear settled in after that. The Golden Horde was known for ravishing the land after a conquer. It is around here that remember that I am in a nightmare.

That was the first time I met China, too. He had shorter hair at that time. If I have not heard that tick of his, saying 'aru', then I would have never have guess that I would meet him when I was expanding my empire. China was very serious back then, always quiet and thinking. I only saw him once, and never again as he instructed my sisters to run with me in a certain path. As we ran deeper in the forest, I looked behind me, seeing Golden Horde running up to China, who stood there, waiting for him. He gave a powerful slap across his face, forcing China to the ground. He stood over top of him, taking his armor off before Ukraine covered Belarus and my eyes. That was the last I saw of him, but his fading pleads to stop echoed in my head for centuries to come.

Ukraine took Belarus and myself to the green eyed man, and I never felt happier to see him. He had talked to her for a while, and she cried before she left. I never knew why she did not stay with us. I never knew why the green-eyed man did nothing to stop her from crying and keeping her here. It took me forever to get Belarus to sleep, as she would not let go, afraid that I was going to leave her like Ukraine did. From that day on, Belarus never wanted to leave me again unless needed.

The green-eyed man did not stop my sister's tears, but he had try to stop mines. He held me tightly in his arms and allowed me to cry silently after a failed attempt I do not remember. I do not know exactly what I was crying about- my sisters? China? My innocent? I do not remember. All I know is that I let everything out.

After that day, I only cried once more.

* * *

The Green-eyed man was talking to the messenger from Poland once again. He seems worried, as his armies were starting to fail him. I would help, but my people were still too weak to battle. Most of them were still under the Golden Horde.

I was afraid to go back there. The Golden Horde would take my innocent away. Ukraine taught me everything before, and by the way she described it, it was something to keep hold of. However, I felt that if I did, then it would be taken away before I could even fight for it. The only one that I could trust with it was the Green-eyed man.

He seemed shocked when I came to him about it. I do not remember how most of the conversation went, but I do remember it ended up with me underneath him, moaning in delight and pleasure. Happiness, maybe? It has been so long, I do not remember pure bliss such as that night properly. I was extremely warm, his body on me with my limbs around him. For the first time, I openly wanted and needed someone, and it was him. That night, he called my name over and over again, and I called his. I do not remember what it was, but I know that if felt great on my tongue and lips.

When the Golden Horde did finally have his turn with me, I felt violated, but not afraid and regretful. I gave my innocence away to someone I trusted and love, and that was enough for me.

I do not know what had happen, but I was more life-like after that day. I became bolder to try to see him and defying Golden Horde. I smiled a bit more, as did he. For a while, I believed that he loved me, too. We started to kiss and laugh like the people in the streets who walk around with their hands linked together. I use to be so envious of them, but now, I can join them in the blissfulness that I had never truly understood before. A week of torture with the Golden Horde was worth a weekend with the Green-eyed man.

One day as the Green-eyed man was healing my wounds from a rampage I had with the Golden Horde, mostly on the head if I remember correctly, I made him promise me something. Marriage. I heard that countries could create a union through marriage. Most of them are political, but some are through love. I loved him, he loved me. I asked him if he could ask Lithuania if it was okay for the both of us. He was shocked by this, but agreed to it.

When I became free, we were going to get married.

The sudden excitement helped boost my people up. They began to fight and resist more. I do not know what had happen, but according to the books, China ended up defeating him. I was free, but was not satisfy.

If he was a country underneath Lithuania, I was going to become a stronger country and he would be under my rule and care, like I was with him.

If he was a county or a city, he would soon become mine after I agree to an expansion of territory agreement between Lithuania and I.

I became stronger. I became wiser. But, my head and stomach started becoming fussy. I was love sick, and I could not wait until the marriage.

But it never came.

* * *

When I became the Duchy of Moscow, the green-eyed man came to me. It was then I noticed some differences. One, I was at his height, and not at his shoulders. He noticed that I looked eighteen like him, instead of fifteen. I became more muscular, but that is only because I had to find a way to work of the sin of gluttony that made its way into my mentality.

The sight of him was not one of joy. Despite Lithuania agreeing to the marriage, his Grand Duchy decided against it, and went with the proposal Poland sent.

I was angry, upset, and more. He tried to talk to me, but I just ordered him out before I could cry for the final time in my life. My guards escorted him and I went to my room. That entire night I cried. Thinking back on it, I was quite childish. But back then, I felt betrayed and used for land and my innocence. I trusted and love him, and those feeling were lies in return.

I decided to go for a walk after a while, still crying my heart out. I do not know how far I went, but I felt terrible. The warmth in my heart was painful. For the first time in my life, I long for the warmth to leave me. I do not know what came over me, but I tore it out of my body, annoyed at how such a tiny thing can make me so weak; how one simple man could make me so… vulnerable.

I met General Winter that night. He saw me crying and laughed, pointing at my heart. He said that he had watched me for a while; saw how weak I became and how strong I arose. He said that he could prevent me from becoming weak again.

Then I wondered… if I was stronger back then, could I have had the green-eyed man? Would he have become my bride, my life? If I become stronger, I will still have that chance?

He made a deal with me. He would be with me for all of eternity until I have what I desired most. He would give me strength and power beyond my imagination, but I must become his biggest ally.

Giving him my heart, I made a deal with the devil, and I felt cold for the rest of my life.

* * *

The Commonwealth was formed, but I worried about that later. I became obsessed with expanding and conquering. At the time, I became a large empire. I completed the first goal on my list.

The first time I saw Poland was he and he alone. I hated him from the beginning. Prussia told me that he could never die, and returns stronger than before. A phoenix, I believe. My first fight with him turned out to be a failure. He smiled as me with green eyes, but it was nothing like my green-eyed man that he took away from me. It was harsh and cold as he gazed at me, almost… jealousy?

"Violet eyes." I remember him faintly saying. "Belarus has that same color. And Ukraine has that same anger, or at least use to." He laughed, pointing his sword towards a defeated me. "What is supposed to be mine keeps dreaming of you. He falsely fell for your younger sister to try and escape the reality that you will never be his and that he will never be yours. Eyes that use to shine like mines now are covered in sapphire of sadness."

I knew he was talking about the green-eyed man, but as I spoke, I realized that I could not remember his name. Has it been that long since I have seen him? Has it been that long since I had the pleasure of saying his name and hearing his voice?

I lost that battle with Poland that day, but it fueled my determination to get my green-eyed man.

I was able to join forces with Prussia and his cousin, Austria. He was strange for a country of war; he did not seem to be the brutal type. Instead, he seems like one of those noblemen whom sits on their thrones and sends the knights out. A country or empire has to at least join in battle with their people at least once, but he seems too classy. I did not like him, but he proved himself most helpful in the battlefields.

After long years, I have finally destroyed the Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth. I can finally get my green-eyed man.

I will not lie, I did like Lithuania for a while when I was with the green-eyed man. Lithuania was strong like him. I felt happy that I was able to defeat a superpower; that meant I was getting stronger.

After I separated Lithuania from that freak Poland, I brought him to my house. I tried to be as careful as possible, but he was trying his hardest to get away, avoiding my eyes at all cost. I had to hit him to show him that I was in charge now, but it was slightly funny to see his eyes widen in shock and fear like that.

I remember this day perfectly, because it was one of those days; those horrible, cold snowy days that I could have done without. Lithuania avoided looking at me until I decided it was about time to talk to him.

"Hello Lithuania."

"You use to be so soft-"

"You use to be so strong-"

"I am a little bit worried about that." I blinked, confused by his statement. Noticing it, he finally looked me in the eye. "You were raised by Mongolia. He was pretty brutal from what I could remember."

"Is that what he is called now?"

"Yes." Lithuania gave a weak smile. "You have grown so much. You are taller than me now." He stuttered then turned away. "Well, I guess it is no use then. We were going to end up crossing paths again somehow, especially since Poland provoked you."

I smiled. "Good. Just tell me what you care to share first, then I will tell you mine."

Lithuania nodded. "I am… sorry about the marriage, Russia. Believe you and I, I did not want to marry Poland. You do not know how many tears I have held in since that day."

"… Poland has not been treating my sister right like you did?"

"I barely had a say in it. I became a minority after Poland gained his power as quickly as he did. He is not right in the mind." Lithuania locked his blue gaze with mine. "Like him, I am worried about you. You have gained your powers a bit too quickly."

"I had no choice but to in order for me to survive."

"And I do not blame you." Lithuania stated. "Just, slow down a bit for me, please." He smiled. I would be lying if I did not say that it reminded me of my green-eyed man. But it was then I noticed how weak Lithuania became, and not just from our battle. He seemed tired and worn out, his spirit drained. For the first time, I felt panic for another. "Lithuania… where is the green-eyed man?"

Lithuania's eyes widen. "W-What?"

"The Green-eyed man who took care of me when I was younger." I stated. Lithuania's shoulders tensed, shaking his head as his blue eyes started to turned a slight shade darker from the tears forming at the corner. "R-Russia… do you not remember me?"

"I do remember you, Lithuania. My first memory of you was seeing you in a crowd of your people with your monarchy." I stated. Lithuania slouched back in his seat, shaking his head, mumbling the word 'no' over and over again.

I asked once more. "Where is the green-eyed man?"

"You cannot be serious!" He raised his voice at me. "A-After everything? Y-You… you… You cannot remember? You were no younger than me! We were the same age!"

I was getting annoyed. "Stop avoiding the question, Lithuania. Where is he? Was he your county? A city? A country you took over? I cannot remember his name, but you seem to know whom I am talking about. Tell me!"

Lithuania shook his head. "I… I cannot…"

"What happen to him?"

"… he is gone." Lithuania finally said after a long silence, shaking his head. "The man that you use to love and admire. He is gone, Russia. I am sorry."

I knew at the moment, I was supposed to feel pain and grief. I was suppose to feel sadness that he was one of the countries that fallen during that age. I was supposed to feel angry that Lithuania did not keep him safe.

"… If I did not give my heart to General Winter, then I would be crying right now." I mumbled. Lithuania perked his head up. "W-What?" he questioned, but I continued.

"I did not like the way it felt for our engagement to be put off like that. I felt used. So I gave my heart to General Winter. He promises to keep me safe from others until I could get what I wanted. Power, which I have. My sisters, which I will soon get from you. And the green-eyed man that I love so much. He is gone, therefore, I will always be under Winter's hand."

"… Why?" Lithuania's tears fell. "Did you love me- I mean, him that much?"

I nodded, getting up and leaving.

"Your mind will slower fall into insanity at the rate you are going at, Russia." Lithuania stated. "Please, slow your pace."

"You did. And you are now under my rule. I will no longer be under anyone else's rule again." I said, leaving him alone to cry silently.

* * *

I do not remember much after that. Everything became a blur, full of horrible memories that I wished were never put into the history books. The green-eyed man I could barely remember, and I can feel that his memory, everything that he had done for me was slowly slipping away. General Winter promised to take the pain away. And with that, he took away the happy memories, and left me with insanity.

One good thing did come from this, and that is my sudden feelings for Lithuania. It came a lot stronger than I though, a lot quicker than the green-eyed man. I will try and not to forget him, but Lithuania… I wished I could have loved you first. Then I would not feel like I will be betraying him going after you.

There is nothing to remember but my bloody history. All of the good has been taken, the one ones left over are followed only by nightmares.

And for that, I choose not to remember…


	2. Emerald and Sapphire Lithuania

Hello Everyone, Sanity is here once again. I wanted to wait a while until I place Lithuania's chapter in here, but I really was excited for this story. It kind of gives people an insight into my head cannon of this pairing, which I was surprise myself when I started to read about it. So, without further ado, here is the final chapter of Love is Blind

* * *

My eyes had the unnatural ability to change from green to blue whenever I refuse to cry. In the time of the present, a mutation such as that can be seen as beautiful and unique. It gave someone an aspect that is different from the others, something that they can be proud of. But for me, it has been a burden for me since the beginning of time.

I remember most of my life, but seeing how young I was and how long ago history is, it is understandable that I cannot remember everything to the fullest. I remember playing around with my people as they were growing an identity. It was simple enough until Prussia decided to come along and scare some of my people with a belief called Christianity. I felt that it was my fault for being born at that coming of age, but I felt I had to do something for my people.

I do not remember when, but I did lose my first battle against him. I was more upset than my people, who just wanted peace. I felt that I had slightly failed them, but for some reason, the tears would not come. The next day, a noble man noticed that my eyes had change into a shade of blue. Back in the day, the changing of anything on a body would have been frowned upon. However, seeing how open my people were about my status as their nations, they accepted it with no further questions, knowing that 'we' have other worldly aspects about ourselves.

I hated the color the moment I was able to see it in my reflection. It was the results of my weakness that my vibrant green turned into a desolate blue. I did not what that to happen again. I needed to become stronger.

After that self-realization within myself, I went to my nobles and was able to convince them to start investing in an army. I was happy, but was not satisfied. I was still weak and it hurt to see my people die from starvation. It was winter and the fight with Prussia earlier took a lot out of me. But for now, I needed to rest and prepare in the winter for the spring; I will rise at the sight of the newly blossomed trees.

* * *

I do not remember which day it was exactly, but that day changed my life. I was outside with my dog on a snowing day when I noticed someone at the end of a bridge it was trolling along that led towards the forest. He was as small as me; clothes ripped and covered in blood, but still had a smile on his face. The moment he opened his eyes, my heart stopped.

The shade of his eyes was a powerful violet. I have never seen a more beautiful color in my entire life.

We talked only briefly, but it was enough for me. As he promised to become a stronger nation and turned around back to the Tartar that he was under ruled, I realized that I had fallen for those violet eyes. My dreams started to consist of them constantly. There would be nights that I will reach out for his hands, only to wake up before he reached back and grab it. I would be frustrated the entire day, if that was the case. Others would include just the two of us playing in our lands, and I would end up putting a smile on his face.

The only regret I had was meeting him with my blue eyes instead of my real green eyes. I made a vow to meet him again with them. Would he find them lovely as I did his, as the color would probably be one that he had never seen before? I always wonder that, and my stomach would flips whenever I thought yes.

* * *

When I became the Grand Duchy, even I was impress with how much and how quickly I had grown. I was unaware that I was becoming the first superpower of the world, but was more so happy that I was powerful enough to keep my people happy. My eyes were green for decades.

I did not what to expand into other nations, but according to people who moved into my country, that it what other nations did. My people seemed happy about the idea, and I agreed to it as long as they did not ravish the land the Tartars. I did not wish to become anything like them and I made sure my people would not go down that path.

I had many other nations under my control, and I gave them free reign, too. I mostly remember my time with Ukraine and Belarus. Ukraine was not the sweet girl that many people know now. Back then, she was strong, cunning and witty. She was actually a pain in my neck to control, but she eventually did. Her silver hair always reminded me of the boy I saw long ago, as well as the determination in her eyes.

Her younger sister, Belarus, was almost a splitting image of him, almost to the point that I almost mistaken her for him. She did not have that determination yet. She was far too young to even think of herself or anyone else as a nation. In her eyes, she only saw us as friends and families. When I met the boy, we were a few decades older than year; about a couple of years older in our appearance, and he knew exactly what he was.

* * *

I did not want any trouble with the Golden Horde, so when I accidentally acquired some of his land, we decided to make a peace treaty and take turns having the nation over in our territory. It was the best choice, as Europe was fighting with each other and I was the only one that could keep him out of the continent. If he came into our territory, the discord of the other nations would give him an easy win.

That was when I reunited with him, the boy with the violet eyes. He was about two years younger than what I appeared like, his clothes slightly taken care off and peasant like, still holding on to the scarf Ukraine had given to him. And his eyes were the same bright shade of violet, slightly weakened, but the moment he saw me, regained its determination that I saw in our first meeting.

Obviously, he had spied on me without noticing, because he called out a lot of my accomplishments and battles with awe whenever he was around me. He would never leave my side until it was time for him to depart or when he wanted to hang with his sisters.

I did not want to wonder anymore about the violet-eyed child, so I asked his nationality. He became depressed, not answering me. Ukraine did say that he was having trouble with his people believing in him and being wiped out, so of course he is either ashamed or confused. But unlike me, he was enslaved, and does not have that opportunity to rise. So I asked him his name.

"…V-Vanya…"

Vanya.

Still today, whenever I say his name like that, my lips tingle and my heart beats faster. It felt smooth on my tongue, as if it was meant to be there. I told him to call me my human name, Tolys, but he could occasionally call me Lithuania, or whatever his sister called me.

Soon, it was in his own language; Litva.

Ivan was his other name. I barely call him that; only when Prussia is in my city to talk to me. Despite that we were at war, sometimes, us countries can have a break from our duties and talk to each other. Lately, it became harder without his people's influences. Prussia would occasionally burst into speeches about his God without noticing, and I had to reminding him to stop before he does. His people are so passionate about it that it affected him. There are times that my people would boast about winning a battle that I had to call off our arrangement so I would not brag in his face.

During my peak of power was when I started losing to Prussia and others. Whenever I lost, my eyes will turn blue, as I will not cry and be upset in the faces of my people, and I would not take in Vanya for my time. To have him see me weaken was the last thing I ever wanted. I want him to see me as strong and worthwhile. I believed that he had only saw me once with my blue eyes, but I quickly looked away before recognition hits his beautiful eyes.

Eventually after talking with a couple of my people, I found out that the flipping of my stomach was love. I was not convince at first, for that would mean that I would have fallen in love at the first sight. I did not believe in that phrase at first, but as I kept hanging around him, it was very hard to be convincing otherwise.

The sisters found out about my feelings for Vanya, and both of them were not very accepting about it. Belarus was extremely annoyed, but Ukraine stated she could deal with it if I treat him right. I intended to do so. Have I not done enough already? When he is with me, I treat him like a king, if not my right hand man. I want him to know that I love him, but I only want him to see it through the green.

* * *

For a while, a messenger from the neighboring land came to me. Before he could even speak, I sent him off before my Duchy could get curious. I know what he wanted, the rising nation of Poland. Like most, he wanted power and land. And while I can help and befriend him, any idea of marriage is out of the question. I would not want another touching me or holding me and vice versa. I wanted Vanya, and nothing more.

Prussia laughed at the mention of Poland. "He is even more of a Christian than me." He told me. I narrowed my eyes. I would have liked to become friends with him, but any correlations with him would turn my people into Christians. I do not want them to fear anything and enjoy life. So far, this new religion is making them look like puppets; I wonder how the other nations believe it themselves? There are times I see Prussia on his knees, begging for forgiveness to his God. I could only feel pity for feeling that he has ended his life when he had just started.

The messenger continued to come back in a pattern. Talk to Ukraine, get cursed out by Ukraine, and try to talk to me, get sent out of my country. After a while, he had received the message.

* * *

I met a guy from Asia, surprising enough. Most Asians do not get past the Golden Horde without a fight. This man, despite a couple cuts and scratches, seemed perfectly fine. By now, I was able to tell the difference between a nation and who is not, as well as nationalities. He had the roundest brown eyes and the shortest, messiest cut black hair known to man, cut in an uneven haste and struggle.

I remember hearing from Vanya about a certain culture concerning hair, as he almost freaked out when I thought about cutting my own. Longer hair stood for the amounts of battles one have won; the longer, the powerful. I do not know if the growth of one's hair applies to Africa or Asia as I was still learning, but I felt sorry for him in respect. Especially when he looked at my hair with envy.

"Would you like some?" I asked him.

The nation shook his head no. "I will get my hair back. Thank you for offering. You are not like any other Europeans. You are not in a haste to fight."

"I tend not to associate myself with them just yet." I said. "I do not want my people to become corrupted with war and power."

The man then chuckled a bit. "You know that it is inevitable, aru?" he said then looked out towards the forest. "You are taking care of that boy's sisters and land until he becomes stronger?"

"That I am." I smiled. The man tilted his head. "He will one day defeat you." I blinked, a little confused by that. "Excuse me?"

"That kid, poor guy, aru. He has been through so much with the Golden Horde. In the end, he will never be the same."

"When he gets free, I'll help him out." I said to him. "I made that my mission the moment the Horde gave him to me. Do you want to help out as well? The more the merrier, for it can help with international relations in the future. Maybe he could-"

"His roots are too European. I cannot help him, aru." The man said sternly. "Not by much anyway."

"Oh… Okay…" I had no idea what to say about this man. He was an odd one. He stayed for a little while, surveying the land that I lived. When the wind blew, he would close his eyes and listen, I believe. He was walking barefooted. As first, I thought he was struggling, not liking the feeling of the sole against the ground. However, I noticed that he would sometime dig his feet into the ground.

Confused, but intrigued, I sat there, watching him as he asked question upon question. He was an odd one, but was nice.

"… He is going to be more powerful than you one day? Are you able to accept that?" I blinked, not sure how to answer. All of my life, I wanted to protect my people, and the best way to do that was to become powerful. I wanted to be strong to protect him and to impress Vanya. But his determination for power is stronger, and slightly worried some. If he grows up too quickly with this mindset, he might make horrible alliances and become so mad with it that he will fall into insanity. It was not a pretty sight to see, which I will sometimes in my dreams. But then I would smile whenever I see myself next to him, teaching him new lessons and seeing that I was the one to cause him to smile. My dreams might have been scary, but in reality, I will always be near his side so it won't become a prophecy.

I smiled and gave a small wave. "I do not care if Vanya become more powerful than me, for I will help him along that path. I will keep him safe to the best of my abilities. As long as my people are safe from harm, I am fine."

"You are not now, are you?" the Asian man questioned.

"Sadly, no. An empire known as the Tectonic Knights and their cousin, Austria Empire, are too close to me. And I fear the Golden Horde will not keep him promises."

"Do not be surprise when he does not, aru." The man said. "But, I would be careful around him. He seems innocent enough, but that is all about to change. The wind foretold it."

I nodded, not fully understanding, but at least it made him happy.

* * *

One night, Ukraine came knocking on my door furiously. She bought Belarus and Vanya with her, quickly telling them to go inside. She seemed panicked. "I cannot allow him to ravish my brother!" She cried. "But I am weak. This is about all I can do for now. And you are strong, so this is about all you can do for now, too." She shook her head before looking back. "Perhaps I can buy Vanya some time."

My eyes widen before I looked back at Vanya trying to calm his sister to sleep, finally getting out of my sleep and understanding her words. "You cannot be serious about doing this, Ukraine!" I whispered. "I am not going to-"

"You love my brother, do you not?" She asked me. I was stopped, but I eventually nodded my head. "More than anything," I said. "You know I would do anything for him."

"Then do not tell Vanya of this." She whipped her tears before turning back around. I do not know what happened after that, but I have an idea, and because of that, I did not stop her.

Returning back to Vanya, I was upset to see those violet eyes in tears. I walked over and hugged him, allowing him to cry without fear of anyone judging him and taking him for granted. I do not know why he was crying- maybe the stress of what was really going on was finally hitting him? But for that night, he allowed me to see his most vulnerable.

The next few days, Ukraine returned back to her siblings, but not as the same warrior that I have known to care and love. She was weakened, and I tried to ignore the trembling in her legs when she was near her siblings. When Vanya was away, I went to her, allowing her to cry on my shoulders, too. It was then I learned that the man's name was China. He was also a catch for the Golden Horde, using himself to protect Vanya once again.

"He can not hold him for long." Ukraine said to me one night, Belarus sleeping on her legs. "Once he had taken his innocence, Vanya would no longer feel any pride for himself. He would become a puppet."

"What would become of Belarus, then?" I asked. "My army has been getting weaker lately. What if I cannot protect her?"

"She was raised underneath your ruling, still too young to understand her duty." Ukraine said. "Until she can understand, I will find a suitor for her myself." She then sighed. "They are too younger for this." She said. "I just wished they had a happy childhood like I did. But my Vanya… is stuck with that thing! I was able to put him off for a few days, but when that is over, my body cannot provide the necessary satisfaction that he would get from my brother."

I bit my lips at that, my nails digging within the palm of my hand. "… I will do something to help. I do not know what yet, but I will."

* * *

Believe you and me, Ukraine and I did not expect Vanya to come offering his body to me. He was trying his hardest to not show how desperate he was, but was failing with ever stuttered and blush and aversion of the eyes. It was the cutest thing that I have ever seen, but it was enough to make me comply with his wishes. But I was glad he came to me. I was pretty experience, since I spent my nights with my people once and a while- what nation has not?

But to see him quivering and moaning underneath me, his small voice calling out my name over and over again. It was nothing compare to the heat I was feeling at this very moment. He was mine, and I was his. The feeling was mutual beyond that night, holding hands and small kisses once in a while. I believe that night with him, between the two of us changed him. His resistance grew stronger and those eyes of his shined a happiness and innocence that any boy should have. Despite what he knew about his sisters' feelings, for once, Vanya felt loved, and he enjoyed every bit of it.

One day, he asked me to marry him. I was shocked, a little nervous since we were both still pretty young, but I said yes in the end. I was kind of confused that he had asked me to get an approval from me myself, but then I remembered healing his wounds from the Golden Horde the other day. He might have been a little dazed by that, so I left it be. We were engaged and in love, and I could not wait for the marriage.

It never came.

* * *

China ended up defeating the Golden Horde a few years later, giving Vanya some time to gain a bit of backbone. He wanted to become powerful and stable enough to take care of me as I was in a pickle as of now. My armies are getting weaker, and Ukraine's people are getting restless with mixed emotion ever since that night.

I gave Vanya back some of his city and land to start off, increasingly becoming impatient for the day in which I can see him again.

"Do you believe that my people will sit still when you two come together?" Ukraine asked me. I shrugged my shoulders. "Who knows? They might want to be separate all together. But I know that the relation between you and Moscow will be a great one with your family background." I said, not use to calling him by his name, the Grand Duchy of Moscow just yet. It would take some time and probably by then he will change it once more. That is expected of a nation at time, and I am still proud of him.

Ukraine randomly gave me a hug. "Thank you, for taking care of Belarus and myself. And for taken care of my Vanya. I am so happy that you will be my new brother in law." She pulled away and smiled. "For a brighter future?"

"A brighter future!" At least, that was the plan.

"Um, excuse me, Grand Duchy of Lithuania." Ukraine and I did not notice a messenger from my castle had arrived, but when he did, he did not provide good news.

My eyes turning blue from rage in the first time of my life, Ukraine and I stormed up to my leader, demanding an explanation and reconsideration to my marriage. He shook his head and answered:

**_"The Grand Duchy of Moscow is growing at a rapid pace. Too powerful, in fact, that it would be a waste of time getting to the people, not him. We are growing weak, Lithuania, and we still have land from other countries. I tend not to give the land that you promise; we need to stay strong for the people, and I intend to do so by doing this. Your marriage would be with Poland, Lithuania, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. Remember, this is better for your people. Stop being selfish for once in your life."_**

I was heartbroken and torn. Ukraine stayed with me, patting my back as I sobbed in the nights until there were no more to cry. It was then, I would be ready to talk to Vanya.

When I saw him, he had grown taller than and looked as old as me, huskier and more confident. His violet eyes were bright and clean. He was handsome beyond belief, just seeing how much he have grown. If him slightly blushing and hiding his face in his scarf was not convincing enough, I can tell that he was happy to see me.

I was not.

I told him about the cancellation. As expected, it had pained me to see the happy expression fall with every word I spoke. Before I can properly put in my input, he wanted to hear no more and ordered me to be taken away from him, convinced that I was doing this for my people and not for my feeling for him. It hurt for him to see me as a pushover, but seeing as that he had always seen me act liked that, it would be slightly understandable. I wanted to cry one again, but the tears will not fall. Let them not, then. Poland would not get to see my natural eyes.

But as fate would have it, Poland had brought up my eyes a couple of time after the unity of the commonwealth. Apparently when word got out about our union to his people, the blond decided to spy around and caught sight of it. I do not know how he kept his presence hidden when he walked down my streets, but he did. He knew that I was keeping that part of me away from him, but after what he had did, he deserved the cold shoulders.

Despite my Duchy's proclamation, my people became a minority. Ukraine and Belarus were not free from my grasp due to Poland not wanting to get rid of any land, though in a way, I did not want them to leave. They were the only things I had left of Vanya and I was not ready to let him go. I became delusional to the point that maybe loving Belarus would like loving him. Although she grew up to be a stunning lady, I knew that it was impossible. Her eyes, although purple, did not have that his gleam and shade.

There were many things I did not know about Poland until years later the commonwealth ended. I did not know that he ravished Belarus whenever he wanted to, a thought that made me sick to the stomach just even thinking about it now. I do not understand why he tried to get rid of Ukraine permanently, killing off her people and culture because she wanted something to keep something of her family, mostly her brother. I do not understand why I was pushed down to a lower class in his rule and was not informed of it, forced to live under a lie for centuries.

But then again, I tried to keep a straight face and try to make whatever I had with Poland work out. It was a one-sided friendship, but I was not going to let it break me.

It was broken before that.

* * *

"I should not be with you like this." Prussia said to me one night, carrying a small child with him. He was huddle up in his cloth, trying to hold on and stay awake despite his sleepiness. I looked at him, instantly noticing the blond hair and blue eyes. "Is that…?"

"Hesse." He said, looking at the child. "He looks exactly like Holy Rome, but I saw France drive the knife in his heart himself. He was so weak to began with, so…" Prussia bit his lips, the child looking up and grabbing his face. Forcing a laugh, he cooed the child down before he started fussing. "It's okay. Your older brother is here for you. I will take care of you." He said, rocking him to a soft slumber. I bit my lips, feeling nostalgic about how I had to do the same for Latvia in the beginning. I did not miss the pained expression on Prussia's face when Hesse did fall into a peaceful slumber.

"I am sorry for your lost." I said, completely sincere.

Prussia gave a small laugh. "And I am happy for your gain. Brothers?"

"Two, in fact, long time ago, you know."

"I do. I just never had time to talk because of that jerk Poland. So not awesome." The albino man mumbled.

"So, what is going on?" I asked. Prussia looked around before smiling. "The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth is finally going down."

I raised an eyebrow. "And what makes you say that?"

"Well, my cousin, Austria decided to help out with trying to crush that runt Poland." He said. "Plus, you are going to like this. The awesome me was able to pull some shit out of my ass and made an alliance with the Russia Empire."

My eyes widen, heart beating ten times faster than the normal rate. I gulped, "Russia, as in, what was once the Grand Duchy of Moscow Russia?"

"Yep. Your former flame." Prussia chuckled. "What's the matter, I thought you would be happy? Once your commonwealth is broken, he can take you in like nothing had happen."

"N-No… It's just…" I looked away. "We left off pretty badly… I do not think he would be happy to see me." I will not lie; I was scared to see him again just as much as I was desperate to leave the commonwealth. What would I say to him? What would he do?

Prussia chuckled. "I can tell you this much. With the history you guys have, not matter what happens, you two will always be in love. I envied that about you." His grip around his sleeping brother tightened. "Keep an eye on it, no matter how far it is. Because once you blink, it can disappear forever."

* * *

Needless to say, I was still not ready to face him. I focused most of my battles with Prussia and Austria, trying to avoid Vanya as much as possible. I was happy Poland charged towards him, dismissing my concern towards the sudden disliked he had obtain from him in the past few years. I was able to get the two on their knees, but I fell to the ground due to exhaustion and my injuries. Satisfied, they left me on my own, and the next thing I knew, Poland was knocked out right next to me.

Despite how powerful he had become, Russia still acted like a child. He jumped up in down like a child from a sudden burst of pride, happy that he had won a battle that he was in. Then he picked me up and pulled me away.

It was then I remembered that my eyes were still blue. He was not allow to see me like this? Would he think me weaker than what I am now? Not worth his love anymore? I was not ready to face him. I called out to Poland, hoping that he would for once put away his selfishness and help me. I told him about my fears, I confided in him when he did with me, finally getting a head start on our friendship. But as expected, Poland smiled and yelled about how cute I looked.

Half way through the walk, I continued to pull and yell, trying to break free. My heart was aching and my stomach was churning. What would I say to him? Would he even listen too me? Would he look at me with the failed marriage still in his mind?

My thoughts were abrupt to a stop when he hit me. Lost and confused, I couldn't help but to stare at him. His violet eyes were hardened with emotions I have never depictured before, but some I could.

Sadness. Greed. Frighten. Cold.

The Vanya I knew back then was not there, and I did not want to believe it. I was still able to see recognition in his eyes, but confusion and stress as well.

At his house, I refused to speak first. But I knew the moment he spoke, I had to get straight to the point.

"… Hello Lithuania." He said.

I did not meet his eyes. "You use to be so soft-"

"You use to be so strong."

"-I'm a little bit worry about that." As I finish, I noticed that he was confused; it was then I decided to look at his eyes. "You were raised my Mongolia. He was pretty brutal from what I can remember."

"Is that what he is call now?"

"Yes." I forced a weak smile. "You have grown so much." I noticed I was starting to stutter, looking at his form. He was more chiseled than before, his muscles hidden under his coat, but I knew it was there. "You are taller than me…" I looked away. "Well, I guess it was no use then. We were bound to cross paths sooner or later. Especially since Poland provoke you."

The Pole decided to tell me about his encounter with my Vanya years ago. I was upset that he did not tell me, but he told me that he was not important. He tells me that all the time, and in the end, I would always be beneath him on his bed as he pound into me, and I would try my hardest not to scream Vanya's name. It had been so long since I had touched him.

He smiled, and my heart slightly jumped. It had been centuries seen I have seen that smile, seen his lips. I had to control myself. "Good. Tell me why you have to say first, then I will share you mines, da?"

I nodded, taking a quick glance at him again, noticing a faint darkness around him. Once again, I did not believe it; why would Vanya accept the darkness for power? Mongolia was the pure example of darkness back in that age; what he really that much of an influence on him?

However, that was for another time. I had to get this off my chest; this is what was keeping me away for years of sleepless nights. "I… I am sorry about the wedding. Believe you and I, I did not want to marry Poland. You do not know how many tear I have held in since that day."

"… Poland have not been treating my sisters right like you did?"

"I barely had a say in it." I shuttered to myself, reminded at how broken Ukraine and insane Belarus had become since his rule. It reminded him of how he treated Latvia after he was recovered from the ashes of a few of Prussia's burnt land. He wanted to kill him, but I could feel some of my Baltic blood running within him. Thankfully, I was able to raise him right, but still had to keep an eye out, as Poland would tease him. Estonia was lucky to be hidden for a while and retain some of his own pride that Latvia would most likely never have because of that blonde. "I became a minority after Poland gained the power as quickly as he did. He is not right in the mind. Like him, I am worried about you. You have gained your powers a bit too quickly."

"I had no choice but to in order to survive."

"-And I do not blame you for that. Just slow down a bit for me, okay?" I gave him a small smile. I do not want you to become too far away from me, Vanya. I want to gain my power back, so I would not be a burden for you. Also, you are still young in the responsibilities to a empire. It is a lot harder, and I would want to be there for you. Those were the words shown in my eyes as I stared at him.

He started at me for a while, almost panicked at how weak I have truly become once it had settled in. Then he had asked, "Lithuania… where is the green-eyed man?"

I stopped smiling, staring at him in confusion. "… W-What?"

"The green-eyed man who took care of me when I was younger." He stated. I felt my shoulders- no, my body freeze over. My heart begins to feel heavy and my eyes began to collect tears. "… Do you not remember me?"

"I do remember you, Lithuania. My first memory of you was seeing you in a crowd with your monarchy." I felt my head shaking, my lips mouthing 'no' over and over again as my body drew cold. Did he hit his head during a fight? Did he forget our private history? I refused to believe it!

"Where is the green-eyed man?"

"You cannot be serious!" I raised my voice, shocking the both of us. Never in my life I had to yell at Vanya, for there was no need to. He was a playful child, an exceptional servant.

A perfect lover.

"A-After everything? Y-You… you cannot remember? You were no younger than me! We were the same age!"

He narrowed his eyes, and I can tell that he was getting annoyed. "Stop with the avoiding of the question, Lithuania. Where is he? Was he your county? A city? A country you took over? I cannot remember his name, but you seem to know who I am talking about. Tell me!"

"I… I cannot…" Would you even believe me if I told you I was him?

"What happen to him?" He asked once more, and I broke. Russia does not remember anything about me, about us! In his mind, he only sees the old me as a different person, the person he was trying so hard to marry when he was younger, and as of now, get reunited. But deep down inside, I know that man who prevented the Golden Horde from coming into Europe was dying slowly.

"… he is gone. That man that you use to love and admire. He is gone, Russia. I am sorry."

All of my waiting, hoping that he would return back to me, wasted. I watched him stare at me for a little while, his mind lost in thoughts. I thought about telling him the rest- that the man he sought after was me. That you have finally became stronger and powerful enough to defeat me, the world's first superpower. That I still loved him and will help him understands and remembers our history some more.

"… If I did not give my heart to General Winter, then I would crying right now." He said and my head perked up. "W-What?" I questioned. I was suppressed that he was able to talk to a nature personification, but the idea was stupid and slight suicidal. Instead, I looked at the Russia.

"… I did not like the way it felt for our engagement to be put off like that. I felt used. So I gave my heart to General Winter. He promises to keep me safe from others until I could get what I wanted. Power, which I have. My sisters, which I will soon get from you. And the green-eyed man that I love so much. He is gone, therefore, I will always be under Winter's hand."

His heart… his love for me… gone?

"W-Why?" I can feel the tears coming along. "Did you love me- I mean, him, that much?" Seeing the way I was now, The Grand Duchy of me really is another me? Is the person he remembers and the person in front of him now really that different?

Russia said nothing to me, getting up to walk out of the room.

"… Your mind will slowly turn into insanity at the rate you are going, Russia. Please, slow your pace." I warned.

It was silence between us. Then he spoke:

"You did. And you are now under my rule. I will no longer be under anyone else's rule again." It was then the tears started to fall.

He already lost it.

* * *

Despite the times in which I did leave him, I was always near Russia's side. I never wanted to leave him. My brother did, and I had no choice but to set an example as to how. During the war, I barely helped Poland out, for I was still angry with him for forcefully taking my heart. Russia, although sneaky with it and forced my to an agreement, fought and won back my heart for me, and in return, whenever his falls out, I keep it safe until he wants it again.

I stayed with him because I knew his sanity was not completely gone. I wanted to be there with him when he recovered it. I had America help me out, even if it took sixty paranoid years on his part. I saw hope when it was the Soviet Union's final year. He grabbed me and told me to get out, flinching at the millions of voices of his people and corrupted government in his head. My brothers fought with others, but he did not fight back; his people, but not him.

That year, and a few after that, my eyes turned green. I was happy to be free again, to start over my country and my people. They too were corrupted, but it shall change back to normal soon. I also felt peace that Russia was getting better. His communications skills still need work, but it is exceptional at the moment.

During those years away from him, I have learned to change the colors of my eyes manually. It took a lot of headaches, but I was able to do it. When I saw him again, it was will my blue eyes. He is not sane enough yet for the truth- to actually hear and understand it. But when he is, he would take a look into my green eyes that he feel so in love with, and I will stare straight back into the violet that had taken my heart.

My eyes had the unnatural ability to change from green to blue whenever I refuse to cry. In the time of the present, a mutation such as that can be seen as beautiful and unique. It gave someone an aspect that is different from the others, something that they can be proud of. But for me, it has been a burden for me since the beginning of time.

* * *

Well, there you have it! So to summarize my head cannon, Lithuania since Lithuania has green eyes in the manga and blue in the anime and most nations have un-natural abilities (like America's super strength), he's eyes are able to change between blue and green, but he had to learn how to do it on his own. Also, Russia cannot remember most of his past because of a deal with General Winter effecting on his sanity and how screwed up his childhood must've been. I know someone can write a more horrid childhood for him, but I am one of drama, not angst. So, Lithuania knows everything, but is living a lie because of his eyes and Russia's screwed up mentality.

Also, I have a mix feeling about the Holy Roman Empire=Germany theory. I can see it working, and I also can't. He could just be a descendent. I might write a story based off of that soon, but it depends if I get my other stories out.

But on a lighter note, tell me what you think. Reviews are always nice.

Sanity.


End file.
